vertiginous (Notre-Dame cathedral is on fire)

Now, in this moment, I feel that vertiginous thrill course through me.
The White Book, Han Kang

You have no idea how hard I died when you left
“You Had Your Soul with You,” The National

Notre-Dame cathedral is on fire
and i am afraid

you cannot see through the smoke
how deeply i love you

how easily you can hurt me
undone like a blood letting

i grip your ankle
to keep from falling

but you have no idea
my head is spinning

since my hands often find
your ankles and feet

so i must close my eyes
trying to gain my bearings

leaving me mute against
wanting to tell you this:

you are lying on your bed
in only a dark gray dress

with your legs there
white and beautiful and there

i will never be able to hold
you long and tight enough

if only i could stop this vertigo
releasing myself to slip into you

like leaping casually into snow
blanketing the world with whiteness

and promising a gentle landing
like a spiral staircase to everything

Notre-Dame cathedral is on fire
but i am afraid

you will never know
how deeply i love you

in all ways and always
because i too am on fire

—P.L. Thomas